Either I’m getting way too smart for my own good, or Hollywood is getting way too dumb for their own sakes… or should I say snakes? Python may be the dumbest creature feature since the genre was launched back in the early 20th century – films that date back to the Universal black-and-white classic Creature from the Black Lagoon and the initial rendition of The Blob, and just like those films, Python is expectedly cheesy, but surprisingly enjoyable. (Please note that I am NOT saying that The Blob and Creature from the Black Lagoon are dumb, and please take notice that I am not comparing Python to those films).
Python manipulates everything that has become routine in these types of monster movies and twists it into something fresh and new. It has numerous flaws, and much of the story doesn’t make any sense. Heck, almost all of it seems like a pure waste of an audience’s aptitude, but not their time. As retarded and uninspired as this film may be, Python is one of the most entertaining snake films in recent memory. I would compare it with the other dumb snake flick, Anaconda.
The premise goes a little something like this – An enigmatic intelligence organization aircraft is transporting mysterious cargo. When the cargo begins to move, one of the two people on the plane opens it up to see what’s inside, completely ignoring all of the warning signs posted on the shipment. In doing so, the load inside the cargo, a sixty-foot intelligent python, reacts to his chance of escaping, bursting out of the plane and eating the two people on board. (Why a gigantic beast with unparalleled power can’t get out of a cargo case but is capable of mashing through the side of a plane is beyond me). Anyway, the plane crashes, and the snake survives. Then people start to die in a nearby town, and it’s up to a few friends and some retarded cops to try and stop the python before it strikes again.
At any given rate, taking Python seriously is about as stupid as expecting it to be serious. The film’s biggest weakness is its arbitrarily unbalanced crossover from a dark comedy, a Sci-Fi creature feature, and an all-out horror show. It tries to sound smart, but in the end, it looks mighty stupid. “This creature exceeds speeds of up to 55 mph,” a character says with beady little eyes and a straight face that could intimidate anyone. Well, let’s throw that idea out of the water, considering that a few survivors outrun the huge beast ON BIKES, but yet the snake is later capable of catching up to a speeding truck.
The special effects are sub-par, often indicating the lack of a decent budget in order to carry out this otherwise great idea. Often enough, the snake is perceptibly computerized, and the close-ups of its tail are noticeable puppetry. The film could have used much less of the excessive CGI and much more of the snake’s appearance. I got tired of waiting around all day just to see the darn thing considering that there was absolutely no suspense leading up to its arrival. The only suspense in the film is through the dialogue of Dr. Anton Rudolph, played by horror maestro Robert Englund (AKA – Freddy Krueger). He builds up the suspense just by saying the creature’s capabilities and accelerations. But by the time we know when the snake is coming, we’re just too tired of the wait and too disappointed with how the monster plays into the scene. I DOUBT THAT A SIXTY FOOT FREAKING KILLING MACHINE CAN SQUEEZE ITSELF INTO A TWO-CAR GARAGE UNBEKNOWNST TO A GREEDY REAL ESTATE AGENT WHO WOULDN’T KNOW IF A GIANT MONSTER WAS IN THE ROOM WITH HIM IF IT CAME UP FROM BEHIND AND BIT HIM IN THE ASS.
Lucky for me, that’s exactly what happens. Go figure.
The characters, consisting of John Cooper, Officer Greg, Kristin, Tommy, Theresa and some annoying deputy named Lewis, are all one-dimensional. Well, maybe not all. One or two of them did have some sympathetic empathy about them. Anyway, the performances are often wooden, and it’s obvious that some of them need acting lessons, but it’s easily overlookable after the film progresses, for that’s when the snake arrives. The dialogue is often hollow, but it brings a good laugh or two. The real star of the show is Robert Englund, and for those who are a big fan of his screen appearance will be hugely grateful with his character. I felt he was very appropriate, and very believable.
The anticlimactic resolution is resulted with a positive note (it could be negative, depending on the way you look at things – “all I got was this T-shirt…”). Bold humor and solid reptilian action lead up to one heck of a fun thrill ride. If you look past the idiocy and the there’s-no-way-that-crap-can-happen sequences, you’re highly likely to enjoy yourself. So grab a bag of popcorn, snuggle down on the couch with the lights down, and prepare to see a movie of corny and entertaining scales. 6 out of 10.