house of 1000 corpsesAfter more than two years of build up, delays, and hype we have finally been graced with this long awaited and assumed new classic of horror. Albeit by the powers of peer to peer file sharing we have finally got to see the movie I once described as my hope film. Hope that it would drag the horror genre out of the teen riddled MTV generation rut that it is currently in.  Did the movie live up to the hype?  More to the point, could any movie live up to the hype we put on it?

So lets take a look at the plot shall we. Have you seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Yes, then you can pretty much skip this part you know the plot. If you haven’t then here we go. Car full of teens low on gas pull into pay a visit to Captain Spaulding, an eccentric and very over the top owner of a gas/fried chicken and murder ride store. After hearing about the ride the teens partake in this extravaganza which focuses mainly on local madman and killer Dr. Satan ( how original is that name yo ).  After seeing the story the teens decide they want to see where the good doctor was hung and set off. The car breaks down and they wind up in the home of a family of backwater, brutal murdering hillbillies……mayhem ensues.  There is also 5 missing cheerleader who meet their fate at the hands of Otis played very well by TCM veteran Bill Mosley. One of the only good things about the movie really. So if that’s 5 cheerleaders and a car full of teens where is the other 900+ aforementioned corpses.

If you were expecting a new masterpiece of cinema after two years of hype, forget it buddy.  Your getting a new updated version of TCM without the tension, artistry, and vision. The movie flows well but the first thing to bring it down is the amazingly bad editing job done by Zombie. You thought Oliver Stone went overboard with Natural Born Killers, you aint seen nothing yet. I failed to even make it through the entire movie the first time I watched it because the editing was so annoying. It come across as an extremely amateurish attempt at MTV style mainstream. Inserting clips and snippets at various intervals does nothing to help the movie and ultimately make it seem like on big music video. Horrible editing.

Second thing that stands out is the abortion of a screenplay that basically offers nothing new and borders on plagiarism while trying to pass itself off as homage.  Hey Rob we all saw TCM we know it well, we wanted a different movie you not the same movie ripped of and updated with less talent. Only other thing that bothered me about the direction is the use of gore. Gore can be good for a movie if you have something to back it up. Gore for gores sake simply shows me that you had fuck all else to put in there. Good gore effects yes, poor presentation and timing defiantly.

The cast do a decent job as limited as their characters are. You know the story, they are fodder nothing else, the only character I wound up caring about or even giving the slightest resemblance of a shit about was Otis, a bad guy. He was for me the only likeable character of the movie and I just kept hoping he would kill them all and be done with it, an Otis spin off would be a bad idea as long as they keep Zombie the fuck away from the project. Wooden characters aside the acting is not terrible.

Score was one thing that did work, thumbs up for the score, thumbs up for the gore effects, thumbs slightly up for the acting. Everything else in the movie sucked the big one.

Now by now you must think I really hate this flick, surprisingly no. I was just really really disappointed with it. A little more time and effort could have made this a truly classic flick. Slight changes to the plot and a complete editing overhaul and change in director could have made this a whole lot better. This is what it is I guess and for me that’s a decent B movie and nothing else. See the flick by all means but don’t expect to much, and for god sake never let Rob Zombie be in charge of any production longer than a 6 minute music video ever again.  4 out of 10.

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
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Posted on May 30, 2008

Category : Reviews

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